Love this place...

Dear Eli,
Your grandpa & grandma Holland, and your great uncle John came to Seattle today and we got to see them for lunch! It was really nice seeing them, even if it was just for a little while. They are up visiting your great-grandpa John File. When we were walking to lunch here on Capitol Hill, it was fun to see all the different stores and restaurants we live next to. This is such a fun place to live, and when you get older we would love to bring you to our old neighborhood. Who knows if the building we live in will still be standing by that time, because it's so old. It was built in the 1920's and has that old world charm. The elevator is labeled (shaft-way), and it has a regular door that you open, and then a gate that you open to get inside. Then you close the door, and the gate, and press the button you want! It's awesome to your dad and I, and scary to others. You are growing still very steadily. Here are some pics Your daddy just took of you and I. Love you.

indescribable...

Eli,
Sometimes there are those moments that are so clear, so real and make the life we live so worth living. These moments can produce deep thinking, tears, laughs, or a huge revelation. They always happen to me in the most interesting times. Elijah, when I first knew that I was going to marry your daddy I wasn't even in deep thought, or praying, or really doing much at all. I was driving down 6th Street in San Pedro, alone in my little red honda right before Broadway, and it hit me! I just knew he was going to be the man I spent the rest of my life with. I have NEVER had such a clear confirmation like that before. I remember not only knowing, but then getting butterflies in my tummy just thinking about him. Up until that point I had never been sure about marriage. It was such an awesome experience. Your daddy knew WAY before I did, haha, but I caught on eventually :) Here and there these moments catch me off guard... Last night I was lying in bed and all of the sudden I realized that I was going to be a MOM!!! haha... I know this realization probably sounds funny to you since I am 5 and a half months prego with you already, but it's true. I could not sleep because it became so real to me that I was going to be taking on a huge responsibility, and that our lives were about to change so much. Of course it is a very welcomed change my love, but it can be intimidating. My revelation was this, I am so in love with you already and only want to do right by you. I know that I am going to do so many things wrong though, and so I really needed to use that time to pray for grace in mine and your dad's parenting. Also, I had to acknowledge the fact that I am not alone in this. I have your daddy, I have Jesus, and I have terrific family and friends. I have confidence that your daddy and I are going to be the best that we know how to be, and also that we are seeking the right guidance. I'm excited to be a mommy! I can't wait to see my husband become a daddy! Sooooooooo, tonight your dad and I were spending some quality time together, which thankfully we get to have a lot of, and I had a moment of such truth. I almost cried, but I held it together and was able to appreciate what we have. This time (moment) that we shared tonight was so powerful it made me see and know that there is no one else in the entire world that I could ever share that crazy special moment with. I felt lucky, blessed, happy, thankful, blissful, and completely overwhelmed all at the same time! It was so indescribable. I'm trying to put it into words but I can't! haha, and you would never think that us being silly, laughing and being goofy together would ever produce such a revelation. But it's true Eli, sometimes there are those special people God is good enough to put in your life that you can never replace. God has blessed us with each other, and now with YOU! We get to share our love with you now, which makes things even sweeter. It's going to be hard at times, and we are going to be so tired at times, but I know that God will see us through, and continue to bless us with love, grace and moments of joy that we will remember forever! yay!!! Eli I can't wait to meet you!!!

Getting so big!

Well Elijah,
Today mommy had to go get some Coco Butter for my growing tummy! My tummy is starting to feel a little itchy since you are growing so big now. I feel you all the time now. You have your little moments when you kick mommy a lot, and if your daddy is around, he always demands to feel my tummy while you are on the move. It always makes me tear up when he talks to you , and gets excited to feel you kick. I always try to hide my tears of joy and pretend that I'm not that emotional! haha. Last night your dad read you the night before Christmas. He happened to have it handy and wanted to read to you while you were awake and moving around. I believe you liked it because you would not stop moving around while you were hearing your daddy's voice :) We are at 22 weeks this Sunday. I can't believe it's already been 5 and a half months! I never thought my stomach would get this big, and it's only going to get bigger! People still don't notice I'm pregnant when I'm out and about in public since here in Seattle I'm always wearing layers of clothes and jackets, but when the jackets come off, I have never felt more conscience of my ever growing belly! haha. Everyone feels the need to look at my belly and then give me a look. It's either an "aww, how sweet" look, or a "How old are you" look... haha. I think some people still think I'm about 16 years old. I love praying for you Eli. I pray for you throughout my whole day. You and your daddy! Every time your daddy leaves the house I pray for him and tell him the same thing... "Look twice for good measure, and once more for me ;)... Don't talk to strangers, and make wise decisions... Listen to Jesus, I love you and need you very much, so be careful and remember to text me and call me when you have a moment... I'm praying for you babe!" haha. He is a great sport about it. It's just that you two matter so much to me and are the loves of my life! So Eli, when you grow up and are going to be somewhere without me, you can expect to hear that and more from your mama every time. :) My own mama's words to me EVERY TIME I left the house when I lived with her, and to this day are... "Lord bless you and keep you safe, and put his angels around you, and help you to have a good time, love you, bye!" I can hear her perfectly in my head saying it! She does it to your grandpa Dean, Your Uncle Jake, Uncle C.J., Auntie Melissa, and pretty much anyone we bring to the house. haha and now I totally get it! It's nice to know she sends out that prayer for us every time we leave. I know that is a tradition I will carry on in our family Elijah. Love you... Here is a VERY recent picture of you, daddy and mommy getting ready to celebrate our first married Christmas together...

Funny Moments...

Dear Elijah,
Thanksgiving just passed, and your dad and I decided to go to Port Orchard to spend it with Uncle Brad, Aunt Sarah, your Great- Grandma, your Great Papa, and cousins Nick and Max. We had a great time. Before we left we wanted to decorate for Christmas so that we could come home to Christmas in our apartment. Your daddy started to try and put the lights up, and all the nails were falling... He then had to do it all over again since he put them on backwards... Then he got so mad trying to reach things that he almost gave up and wanted to yell, but he spotted me laughing into a pillow on the couch. I was trying to be quite, but he saw me, and laughed too, although he did not think it was as amusing. The whole night got worst. We bought a space heater to heat our old 1920's apartment, and when your daddy plugged it in, it was so nice a warm! Then all of the sudden our Christmas movie turned off and we heard everything shut down! hahahahahahaha! Your dad was so upset, and I was bummed, but again, it made me crack up! I thought it was so funny since the whole night was going this way. He unplugged everything, we lit candles, and planed for our trip the next day ;) We spent the night with my family in Port Orchard, and then took off to Portland Oregon the next day to see your dad's cousin Missy, her husband Sam, and their new baby Stephen :) When we first got into downtown Portland, we had to find a Starbucks to get internet to check into a hotel. Of course your dad quickly finds out that you have to have a certain kind of provider to get internet at Starbucks... So he got frustrated. I was on the phone ordering a dress for Oscar and Erica's wedding, and I couldn't decide what size I was going to be by then! hahahaha Even though your dad was frustrated, he was trying to help me think of the measurements I might be! We are in Starbucks surrounded by people in close proximity, saying... "Honey, do you think I'm going to lose the weight and be my normal size?"... "Your hips aren't big enough to be a size 4"... "But my boobs are big enough to be a size 4"... "But you should just say a size 2 to be safe" as the lady on the phone is asking me if I will be breast feeding? "Yes, I will be trying to breast feed"... "Then you should lose the weight faster, but your boobs might get bigger!"... "Iy yi yi, just give me a size 2, and I'll make it fit!" hahahahahaha... At least it made your dad laugh. The lady ended by saying congratulations on our new baby :) and I was touched knowing that even though things like this are harder, you are SO worth every minute of it Elijah! haha. As my measurements are being advertised to all of Starbucks, your dad somehow accidentally pressed a button on the computer during all the commotion, and got the internet to work... haha. So we booked the hotel! The entire trip you were so cute Eli! You moved so much, and you always let me know when you were awake! You were awake one time when we were driving, and I told your dad that you were moving, but then stopped. Your dad and I always sing the jingles to stores if we see them, and know the tune :) Cheesy, I know... But we do... So we saw ROSS, and sang... "Do you love it? I love it! I got it at ROSS!" You started moving so much and kicking hard. So we sang it again, and you did the same thing! Then we sang "Sleep Country USA, why buy a mattress anywhere else"... Every time we sang a jingle, you would move! It was funny. So we determined that you like advertisement songs. They are catchy Eli, I must say... Love ya!

Your dad having some trouble with the lights.

Mommy trying to help, your dad thought it was funny!

Our First Christmas Tree

The date I have to fit into a dress by! haha

Your daddy with your cousin Stephen.

Another Season Change...

Dearest Elijah,

Broadway at 4am

You and me went from sunny California to SNOWY Seattle. Once again as the plane reached the sky you started moving around something fierce. I think you may be able to feel mommy's anxiety when I fly without your daddy. When we landed I found out that your dad had been sitting in traffic for two hours already and was no where near the airport! I felt so bad for him, especially since he now had to find another rout to come get us. He was already so worried about getting us home safe in the snow, and now he had to take roads he had never heard of. Thankfully he was able to get some help from Grandma Darcie and Grandpa Jim over the phone. They looked on Google Map and managed to get him to the airport. After 3 hours in the car, your daddy made it to us! I was so happy to see him, I almost cried! The drive home was pretty basic, after a few wrong turns we were back in our neighborhood ;) We landed in Seattle at midnight, and got home at 4:30am. Although I was tired, I stayed up an extra hour cleaning the apartment! hahaha. Your daddy thought I was crazy, but I can't sleep if I see a mess. haha. So after the dishes were done, the vacuuming was finished, and the place looked like a woman lived here again, I got to cuddle up in bed with your daddy which was the best part of the night/morning... ;) NOW FOR MORE EXCITING NEWS!!!!!!! Your daddy felt you for the first time last night! His face lit up the entire room. He had been trying to feel you all day and even wanted me to eat some skittles to see if that would give you energy to kick! hahaha but mommy did not do that Eli, I gave you some chicken and veggies instead. We had to wait till 11:30pm because that is when you usually become active. Always when mommy is going to bed or in bed, you start moving like crazy. I stayed up late with your daddy while he was writing a paper for school to keep him company. I baked some Christmas cookies to fill the time ;) So when I sat next to him, you started kicking, and I took his hand and put in on my tummy. We waited.... and nothing... You started kicking again, and he again placed his hand on my tummy.Your daddy still could not feel it. It's like you would stop right when he put his hand there. I told him you were like the "Dancing Frog" on Loony Tunes. When the frog puts on a singing, dancing show for that guy, and when the guy takes him into a talent agency, the frog just sits there like... "ribet"... haha! But finally you kicked hard and your daddy was able to feel it! I was excited too. It's so nice to have him in on these special moments when you move around. :) He fell asleep with his hand on my tummy last night. Just in case ;) You are growing so much, and so am I. Last night my T-shirt I wear to bed all of a sudden became a belly shower! Your dad thought that was funny, yet I am still in shock every time a piece of clothing doesn't fit anymore... :/ When we walked in the snow, I could not button the lower button on my coat! I'm glad we are growing together.

Our apartment

California updates...

Hi Elijah,
I'm in California right now because we just had your 20 week doctor's appointment. Your grandma Diane took me to my doctors office and was able to come in and see you on the ultrasound too ;) Your daddy could not make this one, and he was sad to not be there, but I have pictures to show him. Everything looks great, you are growing, and are the exact size you should be. The doctor confirmed that you were a boy again :) heehee. After your appointment Me and your grandma went to Joann's Craft Store to meet your Auntie Tiffany. We there to help your grandma pick out a frame for a family portrait we took not to long ago.  You are in that picture, in my tummy at 11 weeks. :) Then your grandma let me pick out some really cute fabrics for a blanket that she is going to make for you! How exciting huh Eli? I personally can't wait to see how it turns out. Your daddy has been calling us a lot since we have been in California, and I told him all the new news about you. When you and mommy were on the plane, right when we got in the air you started moving around so much. You moved more than I had ever felt you move before. It was strange. I was hoping the elevation wasn't bothering you! But you calmed down after a while. Then later that night when we were in California at your Grandma Darcie's kitchen table, you started kicking me harder than you ever had before. I put my hand on my tummy where you were kicking and was able to feel you with my hand too! That was a first. Daddy has been trying for weeks to feel you. Your grandma Darcie rushed over and was able to feel your little kicks. It was a VERY exciting moment! Usually I can only tell people that you are moving, but it's nice when other people can feel it too. Your daddy was not too disappointed because he is just glad that you are moving and are healthy. He knows that it gives me peace when I can feel you. :) I'm here in California for 5 days all together, and though I am having a great time, I miss your daddy like crazy. Your cousin Nicholas is here at grandma's house so that I can see him while I'm here. He is so cute, and I know you guys are going to have fun together. He loves to make silly faces at my tummy to try and make you laugh. And he doesn't like when people drive fast or play loud music because he doesn't want them to scare the "baby". haha He is already looking after you ;) Your daddy calls us every night before bed, and talks to you on speaker phone. It's so sweet! He sang to us too! My favorite country song ;) He always say's... "Hi Elijah, I love you... I miss you... Are you being good for mommy?" haha... I love his conversations with you already. Love you

On My Mind...

Dear Elijah,
I believe Jesus woke me up this morning to pray for so many things. I was awake at 4am this morning thinking and praying very hard. By the way, you were moving a lot too ;) Your daddy and I were watching the news before bed, which we usually do not do since I can't stand falling to sleep after seeing things that are not that nice on T.V. But we saw one thing that brought us both way down, and made us so sad. I prayed this morning for the weak, the small and the innocent. I prayed that God would protect and defend them. It brought me to tears and yet I wasn't praying for any one person specifically. I woke up your daddy after my prayers, and asked him to then pray for me because I felt that I was bearing these burdens by myself. Your daddy prayed for me right then, and I felt more peace. He prayed, and I was able to focus on the joys God can bring us even in rough times, and even when we just can not see the good anywhere. In moments like these I ALWAYS think of the people I care for and love the most. I prayed for my ENTIRE family to be safe, protected from evil, and also to be wise, and make good decisions. I always pray for the little ones in our families, but this morning I prayed very focused and steady for the baby's and kids in our family, and for you of course. You are so blessed just as your dad and I were, to be born into a loving family who wants to take care of you. But most importantly, you are being born into a family that trusts in God, and who have been praying for you since the moment we found out about you. We know that ultimately you belong to God, and you are His child. We are so blessed that God chose us to take care of you and love you. But you will never know a love like God's love Eli. It's so strong and pure. Here are some of my genuine thoughts from this morning. After thinking of all the people in the world who need love and protection, I stumbled into thinking about your dad. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love him. Every night when I fall asleep next to him, I pray for him, and think to myself, what would I do without him? How did I ever learn to love him so much? What did I do to deserve his unconditional love? Then this morning I wrote in my journal... Eli, if you wait on the Lord, God will bring you the deepest love that will come from a place you would have never imagined. Your dad and I were not just lucky. We fell right into Gods plan because we were both seeking Him at the time. Your daddy talked to you last night before bed and told you how much he loves you, and all I could think was how blessed you are to have him as your dad, because I feel like the most blessed woman in the world to have for my husband. So even though there are terrible things going on in this world that we need to be woken up to pray for at times, there is still so much love and joy around us. God is still in control, and will never leave us alone. So I am so thankful for all the good and wonderful things in our lives, and will continue to pray for the weak, the small and the innocent since we have the hope of Jesus in our lives. I love you Eli. We are praying for you baby boy :)

my love

Our last night being engaged! Night before we got married ;)