We Serve a Gracious God. A Personal God.

Dear Elijah,

Tonight I was sitting in our living room and saw a picture on the internet that tore my heart out. You had already been put to bed, and were nice and warm with a full tummy and sleeping so peacefully. Everything in my world was so good I realized. I can feed my precious baby, who I love so so so unbelievably much. I can put clothes on you when you are cold, and give you something to drink when you are thirsty. These things that I just mentioned mean so much to me as a mother, and my first priority right now is you. Taking care of you, nurturing you, loving you, and giving you the things you need. I pray for you EVERY SINGLE DAY, night, morning, noon, like all the time!

The picture that I saw, made my heart break, but not only that, it made my chest burn inside. I could not hold this emotion in, and I felt like throwing up all of a sudden.  My heart was/is so heavy Elijah. It’s heavy for all the babies I can’t take care of. All the babies I can’t show love to, and all the babies who are starving for food, love and attention. It kills me… Just kills me inside…  I have this thing inside of me that turns on, and when it does, it weighs me down in a way. But moreover, it makes me want to do something; anything, to help. If you were ever in need Elijah, I pray to God that someone would reach out to you. I need to have that same wish for other babies/children on our world as well.

I looked at your dad and said… “Babe, I feel sick… I can’t shake this heaviness and my chest feels like it’s burning.” He asked me why, and thought I was maybe getting a cold. I answered, “no babe, all I could think about is our precious baby boy in there, and if I couldn’t feed him I would want to die.” He then told me what has been on his heart, and I shared my ideas and what has been on mine. He has a heart for a ministry called, Hope For the Hungry, and I want to sponsor a baby/child through World Vision. I had been thinking of ideas, and trying to figure out ways we could do this, but also try to reach further out. So far my ideas are simple, but effective I believe. We are going to cancel Net Flix. That’s 9 dollars a month that can go to help feed and clothe a baby/child/family, and some other things we feel called to let go of. So far that’s like 40 dollars a month we can use for sponsoring a precious child of God!!! I’m so excited God gave me these ideas. He is so good, and I am amazed by His power every day. God has richly blessed this family Eli, and now we need to reach out and extend his blessings to others. And you know sometimes it's not even about letting go of things, but giving regaurdless, trusting that God will provide. Every person has a different calling, and I don't believe that if one person is doing one thing, you have to do that exact same thing. God speaks to us all individually. Sometimes passions and ideas unite, and other times yours may be different. Oh, a good example is fasting. Sometimes God will call one person to fast with food. But other times he may ask them to fast with time, or T.V, or dare I say... Starbucks! Hehe ;)

 The weight was lifted at least a little bit, and at least I know that God is working. I’m proof that God really does speak to people, and touch the hearts of people who can help other people who are suffering. God just needs us to respond! It’s like, “light bulb moment” for me. He is helping those families through all kinds of avenues. I just hope and pray that my small changes and donations will make a huge difference in someone’s life.  I’m writing to you about this moment Elijah because I think it’s important for you to know and be aware of the world around you. I want you also to let God speak to your heart and make changes through you no matter how big or small. I want you to be led by the Holy Spirit to do things in God’s name. Know how important listening to God is, and how your obedients can effect so much more than you.

The other night I was lying in bed and God was not letting me go to sleep quite yet. I felt Him tell me to pray for a baby. I had no idea who this baby was! I felt God lead the prayer, and I said and prayed words that were pretty detailed. I still don’t know who I was praying for Eli, but when God can give you a prayer, pray it. I was blessed by a prayer he gave me for someone I will probably never meet or know their situation. I prayed that God would protect them that God would send someone to help them, and to save them from their misery. I prayed that they would be loved and nurtured, and shown the love of Christ. I prayed so many things, and it really got me to open my heart up for things I never imagined. I basically told God, “Our doors are open, we are ready and willing to serve you.” I have a renewed passion for things. God blessed me when all I was doing was praying for someone else. It’s seriously mind blowing. I see God’s grace and mercy Eli. We are hopeful. We have so much hope and faith in our God. He is stronger than poverty, and stronger than neglect.

Fun Filled Weekend...

Dear Elijah,

This past weekend was really packed full of stuff! Saturday I spent the morning hours resting, while you and daddy went to grandma Holland’s house to play with Ruger and let him out to run around and go to the bathroom.  When you and daddy got back I was just putting some Pumpkin Bread in the oven. I’m so excited Elijah, because I made up my own recipe for pumpkin bread, and it came out so good! Now I have my own recipe that I can make for you and daddy on special occasions. It’s a secret Holland recipe, and you will someday inherit it from me! I realize you may not be much of a baker, but if you ever want to give it a go, you will having something yummy to work with.  After that the three of us went to Starbucks, and a nice walk. We eventually made it back home and got ready for the Saturday night Church Service for Trinity Lutheran Church’s 90^th Anniversary!!!! Can you believe that!? Trinity Lutheran Church, the place mommy grew up, mommy and daddy went to high school youth group together, where you daddy was baptized, where mommy and daddy got married and where you were baptized has been blessed with 90 GREAT years of God’s faithfulness and love.  We are so humbled and blessed to be a part of that long history filled with so many wonderful, faithful servants of Jesus. I am so touched and happy that you got to be there and celebrate with us such an awesome thing for the church we plan to raise you in. It felt like we were at a huge family reunion! There were powerful words spoken by some of the past pastors of Trinity including Pastor Larry Christenson, Pastor Paul Anderson, and your current pastor, Nathan Hoff. All the services were just so anointed. You went to all 3! We woke up early Sunday morning. Your daddy took off to go practice for worship, and then came back to pick you and I up. We had to get there early to get seats because the place was packed! We shared a pew with The Fly family, and their daughter Lydia is about 5 months older than you, and as cute as a button! After the service we enjoyed looking at old pictures in the lounge, and then eating together in the MPR while watching a slide show of Trinity over the years! After that was the last service which was fun, interactive and very funny! The pastors had to answer questions, we sang, and the kids choir and adult choir sang for us! Well all together, it was such a fun time! 

After the Trinity celebration we headed out to Starbuck for a while, and then over to your Uncle Jimmy’s birthday party. That was also such a fun time. We ate yummy food, and super  yummy dessert!!! We love family events, and time spent with your cousins, grandparents, aunts , uncles, and friends.  God really blessed that time as well. Your auntie Tiff sure knows how to throw nice party for her husband!

HAHAHAHAHA! You just fell sideways because you lost your balance sitting up, and when you fell I said in a silly voice… “Elijah!!! You fell down…” and you had the biggest goofy smile on your face and were laughing! Oh, that just made my day! You are so funny. You think it’s hilarious when you fall over! You never try to though, but when you do fall, you SMILE SO BIG, and sometimes I get to hear you chuckle at yourself a little. Hahahahaha! Oh my heart! Well last night was your THIRD night in your own room in your crib! You have been doing great! You have even been taking your naps in your crib! What a great little transition you made! Wooohooo! Proud of you Elijah… Alrighty Elijah, I must go now. Love you!

Burning the mortgage!

Us and Pastor Paul Anderson

Us and Pastor Nathan standing where we said our wedding vows!

Hanging out at Uncle Jimmy's birthday party :)

You waking daddy up from a nap! Hehe

He loves you!

Humming a Sweet Song

Dear Elijah,
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but you totally hum yourself to sleep. When you fall asleep in my arms, in your daddy's arms, or in your bed, you hum until you fall asleep! It's pretty much the cutest thing :) You are eating more and more solids, and LOVE your homemade baby food. You have crackers now, and I think it's the funniest thing watching you smack your food with your two bottom teeth, and no sense of manners. It's the best! Mouth open, crunching loud, and giving it everything you've got to gum that cracker down so you can swallow it. You are so smart, you knew exactly what to do when I handed you the cracker. It was like you've been eating crackers all your life :) Hahaha.
You have turned into a little hand full! I mean that in such a good way. You no longer just sit, lay and sleep. You talk more than ever, you grab everything in sight, and you enjoy interaction with us. You now tend to get sad if no one is talking to you. So we are always entertaining, playing, and interacting with you. I told you daddy the other day that my days have gotten more tiring since I'm so excited to spend most of the day interacting with you in one way or another. We sing, we dance, we talk, we play, we practice sitting up, we tickle, we laugh, we play SUPER BABY, and you watch mommy do dishes in the kitchen. On your down time, you like to play in your jumper, or lay on a blanket on the floor with toys dangled above. You can totally entertain yourself, and talk to yourself, and I think it's because you know mommy is willing to be right there, but you don't always need me. As long as we spend a good amount of time together, you are a happy camper to be on your own for a while. Another thing you really enjoy is being read to. You have a book called "Bubbles, Bubbles." It's a Sesame Street book; one of there Sesame Beginnings books. I will read it to you and try to put it away, but you want more! So I end up reading it to you about 5 times in a row. You look at every page, and love seeing me point to the words as I read them. Here is the story and how we read it:

Bubbles, bubbles on my nose. (mommy points to your nose)
Bubbles, bubbles on my toes. (mommy tickles your toes)
Bubbles, bubbles in my hair. (mommy rubes your head)
Bubbles, bubbles everywhere! (mommy makes her hand wave across the book)
Bubbles, bubbles float on top. (mommy makes her fingers wiggle at the top of the page)
Bubbles, bubbles POP! POP! POP! (mommy makes a fist and opens her hand for every pop) your fav!
Bubbles, bubbles fly so high! (mommy reaches to the sky)
Count 1-2-3 as they go by. (Mommy shows you the number of fingers make 3)
Bubbles, bubbles are so fun! (mommy just sounds extremely happy)
Bubbles, bubbles for everyone! (Theeeeeeeeeeee End)

Your daddy and I have it memorized now. Hahahaha. You are such a happy baby boy, and you love life! I am having the greatest time with you. You and your daddy like to give me tiny heart attacks lately. Since you are more alert and like to be played with, your daddy throws you in the air as you laugh. You and daddy are laughing and smiling, while mommy has a half smile, eyes squinted, and hands out ready to dive and catch you at any moment. Hahahahaha. He would never drop you, and he is safe about it, not throwing you too high, but there is always something inside of me that will be super protective. Heehee... He was swinging you around the other night and got your head pretty close to the floor, and he looked at me.... Then he looked at you and said, "whoa Elijah, we almost got in trouble for that one." Hahahahaha. Ok, well I love you, better go now.

Daddy as a Baby!

Dear Elijah,
Last night we went to visit your grandma and grandpa Holland. I asked to see some of your daddy's baby videos of when he was about 6 months old. IT WAS SO UNCANNY!!! You guys definitely had your differences, but OH MY GOSH, it was like watching another version of you. You guys had the same face expressions, same cry, same sounds, and same movements. It was like so weird to watch, but I couldn't peel my eyes away! You both had similar reactions, frustrations, and smiles! Of that smile! No wonder your daddy had me at Hello. ;) Well, not exactly at hello, but you know the story. hahaha... Both of you have that amazing smile, and it was so cool to see how much of your daddy is in you. I see a lot of me too, especially lately, but what is ultimately cool, is that you look like Elijah! You have your own twist on your daddy and I, and it's so fun to see what our genes created. We'll have to show you these videos someday and see what you think ;)
Ok, so another exceptionally cute thing that you do must be told. I asked your daddy if he had noticed something that you do, that I have noticed and enjoyed for a while now. He said he hadn't really noticed yet, so you and I showed him. Whenever we are watching "F-R-I-E-N-D-S" you could care less, and are usually focused on your toys or whatever you may be doing, BUT, every time you hear the theme song you stop whatever you are doing and stare at T.V.! It's soooooooooooooooo funny! You totally love the song, and will stop everything to watch and listen. It's cute! When your dad saw, he couldn't stop laughing. We even took a video of it tonight. You don't pay attention EVER to the television when it is on; you don't even pay much attention to your Veggie Tales at this point. You would much rather talk to mommy, play with your toys, and go for walks to touch leaves, grass, and flowers. You sort of love nature ;) It's fun to see how much you look around and study everything you see on our walks, or when we go to the park! You also like watching cars drive by. I LOVE YOU!!! I just have to say, I am such a blessed woman to have you and your daddy in my life! I take delight in you and your daddy. I am overjoyed to stand next to you two as a family, and will always claim you both... Except when you embarrass me that is... Then I may walk in the other direction for a second. hahaha! No but seriously, every decision I make, every word that I say, and every move that I make will always begin with you guys in mind. We are a family, and that's what everything revolves around now. It's awesome. When I married your daddy, my world changed. I now had another person to share my life with, and my world, my love my decisions and everything changed to include your daddy! Now you are here, and we get to include you in all of our life. You, your daddy and I are a package deal, and it's so unbelievably cool how close we are. We are all a unit that moves together. It's pretty amazing Elijah. God is at the center of our unit, and we are so blessed to have a God who loves us and blesses this family every day. LOVE YOU!

cleaning the tables at Starbucks again... lol

Family Outings

Dear Elijah,
You will be 6 months old tomorrow!!! Well, it's at least your 6 month anniversary tomorrow, and I can't believe it's been that long. You are officially half a year old ;) We decided to take you down to the Ocean (Paseo Del Mar) and hang out for a bit, but man it was super foggy and cold over there. So weird because the past two days were so miserable hot. I wanted to see the sun set by the Ocean, but we couldn't see much since the fog was so strong! We still hung out for a while down there, and we got some pictures. I brought a fall looking blanket of yours, and two pumpkins in case the sky was pretty enough to take your 6 month old pictures. The sky was not pretty, but we took some pictures anyway ;) After that we went to go eat at Egg Roll King! It was yummmmm.. Then we walked down to the "Blockbuster" video machine and rented a couple movies. You, little Mr., were pressing all the buttons and kept making the screen switch on us. You pressed the "help" button multiple times. You're so fast! I would only go close to look at the movie your dad was wanting to rent, and you would reach out and press the screen so fast! Hahaha We were just laughing so hard, because you are so determined! Once you get your sights on something, you go all out. Ok, I better go now. You are hungry! Love you

Majorly Cute, Majorly You...

Dear Elijah,
There are some thing that you do that make me laugh, smile and just know how special and smart you are. You are so loving. The way you love on your daddy and me is just so mind blowing. You know we love you, and you know how to express your love for us. You gently grab our faces, and rub your cheeks to our cheeks while closing your eyes, and humming! It's the best thing ever for your dad and I. You also, kiss us. You reach out and grab our heads to pull them towards your face and lay a huge slobbery kiss on us! Oh that's just the best thing ever.
Every time I change your diaper, I pick you up and head straight to the bathroom to wash my hands. You have come to expect this and love looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror, and joining me in washing your little hands too! You get so excited to put your little hands in the water like mommy does, and you even dry them off on the towel with me! It truly is the funniest little thing ever to watch. You already have your little hands stretched out as we walk towards the bathroom door!
Recently you also have discovered how to take off your own diaper. I was changing your diaper the other day, and when I was looking away for a moment, you unlatched your diaper. I went to put your pants on and realized your diaper was undone! So I put it back on, and you went right for it again, and I got to watch you take it off! Hahahahahaha... So now I always have to have you in a piece of clothing! Your so funny baby boy ;) It's been SUPER HOT these past two days, so I have had you in cool baths, and also we lay on my bed with fans blowing on us, and watch Pete's Dragon! Your first time watching mommy's favorite childhood movie ;)

Shirtless baby! It's hot tonight.

No Place Like Home

Dear Elijah,
I have had just the best time with you lately. I always have fun with you, but little man, I tell you, you have been so EXTREMELY cute that at times I think I can't take it. I love laying in mommy and daddy's cozy, comfy, soft bed with you and just laughing at each other. You lay next to me giggling, touching my face, paying with your feet, and giving me looks that seriously melt my heart! Today I believe I said, "Aaaaah, Elijah James! You own me!" It's because I just love everything about you. I love being HOME with you so much, and would never dream of trading this time we are blessed to have for anything! I love sitting on our couch with blankets piled high and pillows everywhere doing super baby with you! I hold you up in the air and then plunge you down to my face and kiss you. We have fun putting blankets and pillows on the floor and letting you sit up by yourself :) I love watching you jump in your jumpy, smiling, laughing and looking at me to see if I'm watching you. Hahaha. So cute! When you are preoccupied with your toys and jumping, mommy gets to read a book with hot chocolate and a bowl of cereal. I love making you your food! Since you are eating solids now everyday, I've been getting creative. Today you has Zucchini, Spinach, Pumpkin and you actually ate it all! You are a great eater, and not very picky. Oh and by the way, today was your first time swinging on a swing at the park! Crazy! What a big boy. You are growing so fast. :)
At this moment it's about 9pm, and you are asleep in the other room. I'm enjoying vanilla scented candles, music, and cuddle time with your daddy. He just got back from worship practice, so I'm going to go. Love you baby boy!

So literal...

Dear Elijah,
So lately I've been remembering thing about my childhood that make me laugh now. I was a very literal child, as I believe we all are at some point or another. I remember thinking the craziest things ever. I'll give you some examples. One time when my friend Melissa was over playing, she said that I hurt her feelings... But you see, while she was saying that, she was rubbing her arm, so I remember looking very closely at her arm thinking that feeling must be things that are on her arm, and they are falling off now that I hurt them. So I said sorry and kept a watchful eye on her arm! I literally thought "feelings" were little bugs that lived on your arm for a while there... How embarrassing, but true. Also, when I was little, I was praying and when I closed my eyes I saw a red imprint of a shape that resembled a toothbrush. It was probably just the shape of some sort of light that had been shining, and when I closed my eyes it appeared red.  From that point on I figured Jesus looked like a red toothbrush shape. So when I prayed I would picture that in my head. So weird!!! I could go on and on and on, but I won't. I just think it's so precious how our minds work and evolve over the years. I will try to remember this when talking to you. I never really asked questions, I would just stand there and reason it out in my head. However I could make sense out of something in my head, that's what I would stick with and believe whole heatedly. I can't wait to hear about some of the silly things you tell us. I love you pumpkin boy. Oh, and we went out and got your costume for your first Halloween yesterday! You are going to be so cute! Well, you are so cute, but this is going to be fun :) You are totally kicking back on your daddy right now watching football! Pretty much the cutest thing I've seen today :)

This was us about a month and a half ago. Daddy took these. I was in deep thought. haha

Gosh!

Dear Elijah,
One day I'm helping to hold you up so you don't fall over, and the next day you are sitting up for minutes at a time! I mean, the progress that you make in a matter of a DAY is insane! I was going to show people yesterday how you are "learning" to sit up, but told them you would only be able to for like 5 seconds before you fall into soft pillows ;) but you totally proved me wrong. I think I was beside myself more an anyone. Only because I think it's crazy that you can pick something up so fast. You still need me to be right next to you when you sit up by yourself, but you seriously do so great! You will be 6 months old in about a week or so, and I am just so impressed by you. You amaze me! Hahahahaha, I'm so seriously proud of you. Your first tooth has come all the way through, and it's pretty much the cutest tooth I've ever seen! ;) Your auntie Tiff brought by a cool blue seat for you to help you with sitting up by yourself. With this seat, mommy can walk around and not have to be right next to you. You like it, especially when the tray is on it, so you can whack your toys against it and make loud sounds. You are into loud sounds if you are the one making them.
Yesterday you were so entertained by yourself, so I took that as a sign to do stuff around the house. Yay! You allowed me to do 4 loads of laundry (your clothes, our clothes, sheets, and towels), clean the kitchen (scrub counters, sweep and mob the floor, and organize cupboards), clean the living room (dust, vacuum, and rearrange fall decorations), and clean mommy and daddy's bedroom (organize our closet, vacuum, dust, and make the bed with clean new sheets!). Of course in-between cleaning I was playing peek-a-boo, feeding you, changing you, cuddling you and putting you down for naps, but all together you had a wonderful tear free day. Today on the other hand has been a pretty clingy day. I don't mind at all though. It rained all morning, we snuggled on the couch playing with your favorite toys, and mommy sipped on hot cocoa while you enjoyed the spinach/banana baby food I made for you when daddy stopped by in between jobs. You tried crawling today, but then gave up and rolled over onto your back. Hahahahahaha. You now don't have to stay on your tummy when mommy puts you down for tummy time, you can roll over now by yourself. When you roll over onto your back you give me a huge smile as to say, "heeeeeheeeee, I don;t have to do tummy time now!" hahaha. It's very cute. You are showing signs of being very mellow, YET, very strong willed. You are usually very good, and sweet, but if you don't want to do something, you won't! I see some stubbornness coming out in you, accompanied with a sweet spirit. Crazy how parents can kind of tell these things, and kind of get a glimpse at a very young age of who their babies may be in the future. You are very much your own person already, and have likes and dislikes. You show love, anger, frustration, attitude, humor, and so much more. I'm loving getting to know you, and nurture you at this time. We pray for you constantly. I pray that you will be touched by the Holy Spirit, and learn Godly values from us, your relationship with Jesus, your family, and from your extended family; the church. You are such a gift Elijah, and we will always and forever be so grateful for you. Love you.

Work Shmerk,...

Dear Elijah,
 Well, your daddy is of to work again on this fine Monday morning. I have been really missing him a lot lately. I mean, I always, everyday, miss him when he has to work, but in the last two weeks I have gone as far as to ask him to take days off! Eeeeeeeks! I can't be doing that, because it really is important for him to work, plus I'm super thankful that he has a job he loves. He gets to do what he is passionate about every day... :) So do I ;) I get the best thing ever, I get to take care of you! This morning I just didn't want him to leave at all! I was singing songs (ones I made up on the spot) about him not leaving. Can you believe he didn't believe my story about his work calling my phone saying that he didn't have to work today because there was a break in last night and the police had to investigate and take finger prints, so he shouldn't come in today..? I mean, that's totally believable! I sometimes miss the fact that your daddy doesn't walk to work anymore, like he did when we lived in Seattle. Right when he left for work, he would call me and we would talk until he got there :) Now he drives, and can't use his phone in the car. BUT, he does have better hours now, and I'm so thankful that we get so much time together. We always have our weekends together, and that truly is a blessing! You love when your daddy comes home. You smile SO BIG, and then act shy and turn your face into mommy's shoulder, then you look at daddy again with a big smile, and then quickly turn into mommy's shoulder again! It's such a cute little thing you have been doing lately. Then you reach for him, and he holds you while you touch his face with your little hands. Then that soft face touching quickly turns into face grabbing and slapping. Hahahahahaha.
Yesterday you were playing with my phone, and you hit your forehead with the phone and grunted/growled at it! It was so funny. You got very upset with the phone for hurting your head. You have this little funny grunting sound that you do now. It's when you find something amusing, or funny. You grunt... Then you grunt again, then you slowly turn your grunts into laughter. It's so funny! I love when you do that. Another fun (cute) thing you do is when I'm putting you down for a nap, you grab the top of your head over and over and over again, letting your baby hair slip through your tiny fingers. I think you like the feel of your own hair. :) You laugh so much now, although you don;t do that in public as much. You laugh and talk so much when you are at home with mommy and daddy, but when you are with a lot of people, you are quiet and clingy. So funny... Oh, and you sing now. At least I think you are singing... You make a very interested face expression, while opening your mouth wide, and belt out a tune. You do this for long periods of time, and it's not like when you are just making sounds. It's a long, and very focused melodic sound. VERY CUTE! Oh, and we decided what you are going to be for Halloween with the help of your Nino. He gave us the idea, and we love it ;) Ok, love you Elijah.

So fast :)

Dear Elijah,
Well, your cousin Gavin turned 1 years old, and we got to go and celebrate with him today! It was such a sweet birthday party, and it's always nice to get to see family. The colors were very cute, green, orange, brown, and some yellow. It looked super Autumn ;) I love that! There were giraffes, and other cute animal decorations, and Gavin was wearing a hat with his name on it and a #1!!! Too cute! I couldn't help but think of you turning one years old here in the nearer future. I was watching Gavin thinking, Oh my gosh!!! He can't be one year old already! I feel like we just got the text message with his sweet little picture announcing he was born. We were in Seattle when he was born, and you were in mommy's tummy! It's crazy how fast you little ones grow. You got to take home some really cool balloons to play with, and had a great time. You were a bit fussy at times though since there were a lot of people, and you had just woken up from a nap, but all together I think you did great!

Lets see, you have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much personality these days. You kind of shy up around lots of people, but when it's just you, daddy and mommy, you are a little crazy guy! You grab everything, test your different voices, pull hair, fake cry, laugh super hard, scream laugh when I really amuse you, and when you find a sound you like making, you will just keep on and on and on doing it. It's so funny! You love trying to talk right now, and it's always followed by a proud smile on your face. You do the cutest proud of yourself smile, and you raise your little eyebrow up when you do it. This seriously makes my heart melt! I told your daddy the other day it's almost to much cuteness to take in... Hahaha... I love you so much! You are so fun to play with, and I am enjoying every new and old thing you do ;)