I remembered that I used to sleep. I kind of remember when that was something I did, but now it seems a distant memory. I think I can remember what it felt like to be fully rested, but It's hard to imagine! Hahahahahahahahahaha... I'm serious though! I have no idea how I function on about 3 hours max nightly. I try to take naps, but when it seems I'm ready to wind down and attempt drifting off into a good sleep, you wake up from yours! I'm so so so thankful though, on a very serious note, that you are a great nap taker, and sleep through the night perfectly! You rarely wake up in the middle of the night! Plus, you get thee best rest during the day which makes me feel good since I know you need that time to grow and to be a healthy little guy! Yay for your sleeping schedule, it's pretty great! As for mommy, It's my own fault mixed with pregnancy symptoms. Yes, peeing, leg cramps, and heartburn does keep me up for a lot of the night, but the rest of the time it's my MIND racing that keeps me awake! I can't shut it down, flip the switch, press the off button, or get my mind to stop going! It drives me nuts! I toss and turn and when I finally fall into a deep sleep, it's almost time for you to wake up and start your day. Here is MY other problem... I am so bad at taking naps. I always lay there thinking of all the things I could be doing other than a nap! I think about how I could clean (which I enjoy doing, and find to be very therapeutic), do laundry (which is something else I really enjoy and find therapeutic), or maybe spend time on something creative, call someone I need to catch up with, or respond to e-mails which I'm behind on ALL THE TIME! The only thing that kind of works in making me take a nap is when your dad is around and will rub my head, my back and my neck. He makes me so sleepy when he does that! I'm so blessed Eli! I could not stop staring at you today! You are so precious to me and I want to soak up EVERY moment with you at every stage. Last night one of the things that kept me awake was realizing that you were going to be 1 years old soon! I was semi freaking out because I was noticing how fast your newborn stage went by. But then when I look back, I have no regrets at all! I spent every second I could with you! I held you all the time, cuddled you, looked at you, sang to you, played with you, and basically did everything I could to be present not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I allowed myself to fall in love and to get to know you as a baby! I had/have such a strong connection with you, and I wouldn't change a thing about this first 11 months I have been blessed to spend with you! I have realized that I really am able to see everything you do, and to be a part of all your firsts, your growing milestones, and your learning moments! I want to be able to look back on your childhood and say, "I did everything in my power to appreciate you." I really don't take you for granted Eli. I thank God every single day for you, many times a day! I realize how blessed I am, and am sometimes brought to tears when praying for you, telling God, "I'm so humbled that you chose me to be Elijah's mom." Isn't it a humbling thing Eli? When God chooses YOU to be a part of something so great! Or when He calls YOU because He simply loves you and knows what you are capable of. I got to hear an amazing woman speak today at MOPS and her testimony was so powerful and super humbling. I could not believe what this woman has endured. She will tell you herself, it wasn't her in her own power who endured what she has gone through, it was God's grace that pulled her through. Hearing that makes me think of all the times I've muttered, "I would just die if I ever had to go through something like that," or when I've thought, "I could never bear that burden." She thought and said those same things, and yet there she was in a situation she had already told herself would be impossible! She told us her story not to make us cry or make us worry or be sad, but to say that there is hope. That God CAN! God takes our darkest times of mourning and can turn them into hope and joy. She said there is no hole to deep, and no place where God can't reach you and pick you up out of it. It was pretty inspiring! This lady sings children songs and makes DVDs, and does concerts for kids! Your uncle Jake used to listen to her, and now you really love her music! You watched the DVD today, and also got to take a picture with her! Pretty awesome morning!
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