Cheese? No? Cheese? Yes? What!?

Dear Elijah,
OH MY goodness... You are for sure showing us a great deal of what we are in for. There have been more tantrums, and more signs of how strong willed you truly are. Haha! Funny little story..

Me- (calmly making a sandwich in the kitchen) "Would you like some cheese Eli."
You- "cheese!" (reaching for a piece, and then running out of the kitchen happy)
Me- (cut two extra pieces of cheese in case you would want more, so I could put the cheese away)
You- (saw me putting away cheese... Came running to kitchen... dropped to your knees... screamed out with all of your might, "cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!" began to cry and point to the refrigerator.
Me- "Here Elijah, it's alright, I have cheese here for you." (Held out a piece of cheese for you)
You- (Falling to the floor again) "No! sniff, sniff... No... Sniff" Pointing to fridge.
Me- (Picking you up, and opening the fridge) "what would you like to have Eli, What do you want?"
You-(Points to package of cheese)
Me- (Pulls out package of cheese) "Cheese? Do you want this?"
You- (throwing head back, and grabbing face) "Cheese!"
Me- "ok, here you are, here is some cheese."
You- (thinking it was the same ones I was trying to give you before began to cry again) "No" (pushing cheese away.)
Me- confused.... tired..... hungry.... "Elijah, calm down... What would you like? peaches?"
You- BIG SMILE "peaches!" (shakes head yes) "please."
Me- "ok, I will get you some peaches."
You- Big Smile "peach!" ( then ate them very happily)

Here is the thing... The whole time, I knew exactly why you were crying, and I knew why you did not want the cheese I had already cut. It was probably because you had caused such a fuss and scene about me putting away the cheese, thinking I had forgotten you completely, and then when you saw that I had some for you, you got a bit embarrassed and couldn't just shut it off! You were already there, and had to go with it. I understand that because I used to do it. I mean, hey, I could be wrong, but in any case, could understand that you had reasons. I have stories of my own Eli... Man do I have stories! I was/am very strong willed and I found it very hard to control my passion/feelings/emotions. I know frustration. I know what it's like to become ever so frustrated from a situation that I created. I wasn't a bad kid, I cared for people, I loved others, I felt that I had empathy, and was able to sympathize with others as well. I wanted to do good, I wanted to serve, and I had the desire to be kind. I just struggled with my stubbornness. I guess now, I can take what I know, and how I used to feel and have empathy for you, knowing that at times, as much as you want to, you can't control your emotions, especially at this age when you are still learning so many basics. There are times between you and I when I want to pull my hair out, but then I realize that patients goes a long way. It's hard sometimes man!!! hahahaha. I can also see the humor in these situations, where both of us are trying to communicate, and both of us get frustrated, and then both of us end up just fine in the end anyway. You know what else I see in you Eli, not only do you have a will of iron (which I am proud of in you), you have a tender heart, a caring heart, an affectionate way, a calm spirit, a brave spirit, and a great sense of humor! You can laugh at yourself when you trip. You laugh at us when we trip. You laugh at times when you basically eat it, falling off of a piece of furniture. Your laugh is just the best sound ever. You take care of your sister like a pro, giving her a binky, covering her with blankets, giving her your stuffed animals, and kissed her cheek. You rub her head and cheeks, and snuggle up next to her while putting your arm around her. You come give your daddy and I hugs and kisses all the time, and enjoy snuggling with us. Yes, you have been having more outbursts of tantrums, but everything else that you are make experiencing your tantrums a bit easier. Yes, there are times I don't appreciate picking up a crying baby in the middle of the store isle, or carrying a kicking, screaming little guy out of Target, but the wonderful far outweighs the difficult ;) I was thinking after the whole cheese situation that when I was young, but able to talk, I would have appreciated someone coming down to my level, looking me in the eyes, and asking me why I was sad, and why I was crying. Even if I couldn't have come up with an answer, someone cared about my feelings. I thought about being a little girl, and in those explosive moments, I wanted to be heard, I needed to be taken seriously, and then told maybe that I was not being fair and why. I think that would have defused the situation . So here I go! I want you to always feel like you can talk to me, and I will listen. I want you to know I will tell you the truth regardless. If you are being impractical, I will tell you. If you are being unfair in your outbursts, I will tell you the reasons, and act accordingly. I feel like you have a right to know why mommy is upset or feeling angry when you hit, scream, or do something your dad and I feel is wrong. I was sitting here thinking, and then voiced to your daddy that when I was a kid I can remember times when I would be throwing a tantrum, and would be ignored or told to go elswhere. That's fine and all, and although it may work behavioraly, what it taught me to do was get it together to not get in trouble, but store up the anger that I was feeling. I would store up my anger, and was able to act right, but inside I was hurting, and holding grudges. I just needed a proper outlet is all. But I know it must have been shocking, or hard to listen to. I know my mom wouldn't mind me sharing that with you because she knows how much we appreciate her. She knows she was a great mom, and very much loved by all of her blessed children ;) and we get to talk now about things like parenting now. I love that we have that openess now. Whats funny is that I have told your dad before that sometimes all I need is a hug or someone to hold me. Tonight when you were flipping out, I finally extended my arms to you, and you reached up, grabbed onto me tight, and hugged me for a long time. You wanted physical love to calm you down this time. Sometimes you need your space too, and I can understand that as well. This is fun Eli... I can honestly say that I am learning something new every day! I am never going to be a perfect mom, or get everything right, but at least I'm enjoying the process. I Love this! I love learning with you, and being your mommy!

Sometimes when you whine for no good reason at all, and are doing it just to get a rise out of me, I can tell, and I usually nudge or push you, and you can not stop laughing! You see, some parents would have a cow if I told them that, but you and I think it's hilarious! I'm gentle, if I choose to push you into something, which you think is extra hilarious, I make sure to push you into something soft! hahahahahaha! I use a humorous tone of voice, and make sure you know I can see right through that fake whining! Hahaha! You always think it's funny when I call you out on your fake cry. You laugh every time! I love it! Ok little guy... I must go now. I love you... I hope that tomorrow we can agree on cheese ;) haha. Love you!