TEARS , tears... and more tears!

Dear Elijah,
It's been an emotional past few days for your mommy. I feel like I'm SUCH a wimp! Hahaha, but seriously I really felt defeated these past few days. I have tried to act like things do not bother me, and that it happens to lots of people, but I have a pretty tender heart, and I am definitely one mommy who can get hurt feelings. Thank you Jesus for your daddy, my wonderful husband who builds me up and keeps me strong. Thank you Jesus for my beautiful son Elijah (you), who I just have to look at to smile :) Elijah, I am so thankful for a God who shows me what I can learn in situations that are not always pleasant. I was actually able to stop and look at my past few days, and see what God may have wanted to teach me through it all. I can't believe how God has helped me to build character like that. I was once unable to do this as easily.

Being a mommy is not always easy, I sure knew that coming into this whole motherhood thing. Funny though, I expected you to be the challenge! So far, being your mommy is so natural and easy for me when it involves you, your daddy and I. You make it a pleasant! I can go on and on about your giggles, smiles, cuteness and all, but I think you get the picture. I take a lot of pride in being a stay at home wife and mother. I know I am doing exactly what God wants me to be doing, and I finally feel like I am fulfilling a wonderful purpose in my life. I'm glad there are many purposes to my life ;) and this one is for sure my favorite! I seriously LOVE and put all my energy, sweat and tears into taking care of you, being a Godly wife to your daddy, and taking care of the home that he provides for us. I love cleaning, doing laundry, bathing you, dressing you, changing you and teaching you. I have read books and books on being a Godly mommy, and being the best mommy I can be with Gods help. I also am so very thankful for the awesome women God has placed in my life who gently encourage me and help me along the way. You can do all the reading in the world, but sometimes I very much appreciate some ideas from other mommies who have gone before. It's one thing to encourage and be helpful in love, but it's another to be bitter and toxic. Sometimes mommies have to endure some really rude comments from people who have no idea what the mom believe and how they parent. You are my most important priority along with my devotion to God first and your daddy. It hurts me a lot and cuts super deep when people make impulsive judgments and say things they may not even mean to be rude or hurtful. No good mom would ever do anything to harm their babies, and you could always assume that a good mom has reasons for doing what she is doing. I think since I take it so seriously and put so much good energy into the way a take care of you, when people are insensitive it REALLY affects me :( My skin is not that thick! hahahahahaha. I can laugh about it now because I've already spent some time crying in your daddy's arms!!! I cried and cried, and was so crushed. Your daddy took good care of me. He held me, wiped my tears, and told me he loved me, that I'm an incredible mother, wife, and friend. He told me you and him are blessed to have me. (Smiling ear to ear right now). He reassured me that sometimes people are just unaware of how they can come off to others. He said that my few things I've had to deal with were probably not meant to crush me like they did. Haha. He's right. I was able to look back and realize some impulsive assumptions I've made in my life about situations, or other people. I asked God for forgiveness right then, and asked for him to help me forgive as well. I learned so much! I also think it was an experience I had to go through in order to learn humility (which can be a daily struggle) and mature in my motherhood, and also be sensitive to other good mommies who are figuring stuff out. Man, we can be so quick to judge, and most of the time, it's our own insecurities that prompt us to cast unfair judgement on someone else. God is so good! Without God, my husband and my sweet hearted YOU, I would have become angry, bitter, and jaded in response to these bumps in my road. I love love love you... You are the best! I love being your mommy. i love learning and growing into this.

Lately you have been biting! Yikes! Ok, here's the thing, I find it a little funny. I laugh even though I know I shouldn't. But it's something new, and I get excited at EVERYTHING new you do. It's not a HUGE problem yet, although you do giggle when you do it, so I know you think it's playful. I didn't even get a chance to laugh at you yet, and you were giggling about biting me! So yes, we both started laughing. I do take your teeth off of me and insert a toy, or teething ring. We are working on teaching you to bite other things besides people to sooth your teething mouth. I admit, I'm no expert, but I think you will learn. When you bite while nursing, I do not laugh, and I tell you gentle but serious, not to bite mommy. "that's not nice Elijah, that hurts mommy" is what I say. :) Feels funny saying that to a 7 month old who can't talk, but you get the picture and have actually stopped doing it in that situation. Now to work on our play time biting situation ;) hahaha. You are just so tender hearted and do it out of playfulness, that it's hard to say no. But alas, I must teach you not to bite even in playfulness. You think you are so funny little guy! I think you are so funny too ;) You catch onto things super fast though, and I have faith that you and mommy will overcome this together. We are both learning here ;) Hehe... You are also starting to get brave and rock back and forth on your hands and knees. Still no crawling yet, but your getting closer every day. You roll around, and you just learned something new!!!!!!!!! Daddy taught you to play CATCH! We have it on video!!! You at 7 months throwing a ball to your daddy, and him throwing it to you. That was the exciting thing from yesterday :) We love you baby!

Busy Wekkends and Party Fun!

Dear Elijah,

Goodness have we been busy! It’s been a good busy though ;) Last Friday we all met up with your uncle C.J., Nina Melissa, Megan, uncle Oscar, Auntie Erica, and Nic for a late breakfast. It’s always nice hanging out with family. Auntie Erica held you while uncle Oscar was putting ice cubes next to you watching you try to pick them up, It was funny because you tried but the cubes would slip out of your hands! Hahaha. After that we all but Meg and Nina went to your great grandma Gutierrez’s house to visit for a bit. You fell asleep in Nita’s arms ;). Then  your dad and I went with your uncle C.J., uncle Oscar, Aunt Erica and your cousin Nic to go see Puss in Boots. We thought we had better leave you with grandma (my mom) for the movie since you are super active and we think it’s weird to take babies into a movie theater. Hahaha… Some people do it though! Anywho, it was a funny movie and a really great time to get to spend time with Nicholas.  After the movie we all went for ice cream and then back to grandmas to get you. You were having a great time of course. Every time you cousin Nic would see you he would say in a high pitch voice, “what’s up little duuuuuuuude!” SO FUNNY! I loved hearing him do that.

On Saturday we got to go to a baby party! It was so fun, and really cute. It was your friend Lydia’s first birthday. Her parents invited us to come join in the fun of balloon volleyball, baby play time, cake and presents! You, your dad and I got Lydia some pink UGGS with a pink tutu, and a blue plaid button up shirt with brown UGGS.  It was soooooooooooooooooooo fun shopping for a baby girl. We are so used to (and love) shopping for baby boys ;) Nice change :) You are so funny. At Lydia’s party you were acting different. Like you were feeding off what the other babies were doing. It was so cool to watch you. You even tried to crawl! You didn’t even know how to yet, but though you might take a chance in front of all the little girl babies. Hahahahaha. I got a picture of you and Lydia. You wouldn’t even look at the camera because you were staring at her. I think you really enjoyed being around other babies because you were watching them and trying to talk to them. SO STINKIN CUTE! Another reason why I have to look into a mommy group, or some kind of mommy and me thing. Well, later on, Saturday night I was at my moms (grandma’s) house, and I was in uncle Jakes bedroom rocking you. Nic came in and climed up on the bunk bed latter and looked down at you with a very serious face… He then said, “I love you. But I have to go away in the morning little dude.” It was theeeeee sweetest thing ever!

On Sunday we had a going away dinner for your uncle C.J. He is going to be out to see for a long time! The family all got together to pray for him and say goodbye for a while. It was awesome. And the food was soooooooooooo good! I love homemade yummy food. Your dad and I had to leave for a while to help lead worship at the Sunday night service, so we left you with the fam. When we got back they said you were so good and you even got passed around a lot and didn’t mind at all! That’s improvement baby boy. Usually you get a little overwhelmed. Of course right when you saw me, you started fussing. Haha… You missed me! You love me! Hahahaha. You got to see your little cousin Gavin too. He just turned one not too long ago.

It was an awesome weekend. Only sad thing was saying goodbye to Nic and your uncle C.J. We will miss them so much.

These past few days you have been doing new stuff! You try to crawl from the sitting position, but then you back up again and won’t attempt going for it. Hahaha, and you have been super loud. It’s so cool. You scream just for fun now, ad laugh after you do it. You said, “baba” the other day and I  jumped up in excitement. I know it’s not really your first word, but it’s a new sound. You hadn’t until then made the B sound.  You say “mamamamamam,” and “dada,” all the time! Now you say, “baba,” too! So cute! I guess we will know when you are actually saying mama and dada in reference to us. Well, we go to the dr. today to get your shots. :( it’s sad, but last time you did great and were so brave! I’m hoping not to cry, but it’s going to be my mom’s (grandma’s) first time coming with. So she may cry and then make me! Hahaha. I love you sweet Elijah. You are so fun, and seriously such a joy.

Growing boy :)

Dear Elijah,

Hi baby boy! You are such an amazing child my love. You have been laughing so much more recently, and all it takes is daddy or me looking at you. Haha. So cute! You are exploring new movements, and trying out new ways to get what you want. For instance, you will reach as far as the tips of your fingers and arms can stretch to get something, and if that doesn’t work, you fall over sideways and roll, then try again. I’ve recently seen you grab the blanket you were on and pull it towards you to reach your binky. That’s kind of cheating though Elijah, because I put it just out of your reach on purpose, so that you would have to try to crawl. You are too smart for that trick. Haha. You like touching faces, people watching, and sharing your binky. You will shove your binky in our mouths if we are not paying attention and happen to yawn in front of you. You smile really big when you do things like that. So here is something else new you have been doing. With your two sharp bottom teeth, you bite mommy! Yes, when I’m nursing you, sometimes you will bite me and when I screech out loud you look up at me with your big blue eyes, and smile as big as your smile can get! You actually think it’s funny and that mommy is being funny when I make those painful sounds. You even chuckle a little bit. I have even tried in a very soothing, gentle voice telling you not to bite because it hurts mommy, to which you smile or laugh at again. You are way to cute to be mad at, and I actually find humor in the whole situation after the pain goes away. I hope this is not a habit, although it’s happened now about 5 times! Hahaha…

Your daddy and I have been taking you out to parks along with others. We like to get you out and bout around other kids when we can. I have finally decided that I should probably join a mommy group of some sort at this point. You need to be around other babies now, and I would probably benefit from being around other mommies! I think I’m going to finally look into a mommy and me somewhere. Man, I’m super new at this… I’m used to it being just you and I for most of the day. But alas, it cannot always be this way.  Heehee.  I would enjoy something as simple as park dates with other mommies and babies. Something less structured and mellow... That’s what I should look for! Anyways, when we take you to the park, you watch the other kids playing and watch them running around. I know you want to get down and run around with them too by the way you are staring. You like to go down the slide with our help, and you really enjoy the baby swings. When we take you to Starbucks with us, you spend the whole time looking around at everyone there, an sometimes you just laugh at people even if they aren’t looking back at you. Hahahahaha. It’s funny… You are so amused by people just walking around, and then when they try to make you laugh you get all serious. You can be very serious and just stare someone down. You won’t even blink sometimes.

Today you wanted to eat, but you also were tired. I tried feeding you and you would eat for a second and then stop and cry while reaching for the hallway door. You did this like three times before I finally realized, maybe I should walk to where you are reaching… I got up and you smiled, and we walked into mommy and daddy’s room. When you saw our bed you giggled as if I was getting it right. I laid you down on our bed and then you ate very well, and fell asleep. It’s so crazy how smart babies (you) are. You know what you want and what you need, and try to communicate that to us in any way you can. It’s pretty cool.

Ok, so clumsy is not a good way to be when you have a small baby to take care of. I have noticed lately that I cannot hold onto ANYTHING and it’s driving me crazy! I have no idea what it is, but your binky, bottles, toys, and on and on and on keep slipping out of my hands. Not big or important things, just small very annoying to drop all day things… I’ve never been the poster child for control or anything, but this is just ridiculous! My phone, keys, bobby pins, etc. I cannot seem to stop dropping. When I’m in the kitchen I drop spoons and things like that. Last night I was trying to plug in my phone to charge and dropped it between our bed and head board. That’s when I lost it and exclaimed to your dad that I keep dropping stuff!!! I seem to be more clumsy as of late and it’s actually noticeable. I hope it goes away soon. I need to get a better grasp on this. Haha. To top that off, your new favorite thing to do it drop everything on the ground to watch me pick it up, or better yet, you like when I hold you over what you dropped so that you can pick it up. It’s like your favorite game now of days. Hahahaha. It’s been great, but I can’t say that I love that game…  Love you!

Our Family Night

Dear Elijah,

Lately you have been sucking on your toes! You have done it like 2 times before, and I remember the very first time you grabbed your own foot, and put it to your mouth! Now in the past week, you have been playing with your little toes and feet a lot! Daddy captured some pictures tonight of you doing it while you were laying on the couch with mommy.

Tonight was a special night for me. Really it was a special night for all 3 of us, but I was touched through the family time we had tonight. We got your books of the shelf. One book is titled, What Happens When I Talk to God? The Power of Prayer for Boys and Girls, and the other book is titled, Bedtime Blessings for Boys. The Bedtime Blessings for boys was one that daddy used to read to you when you were still in my tummy! We decided to start reading these books to you every night. Our little book reading time before bed became a family devotion/worship time for us. We also read the bible to you. We decided since we were already reading to you about Jesus, we should follow it with the scripture. Your daddy and I usually read the bible and pray together before bed when you are already asleep. I know we never really planned it that way, it just seemed to be happening. I am so glad that tonight you were able to be a part of that prayer/reading/ and worship time. You seemed so active and excited to be sitting there with us. You were watching us pray, sing and read, and I know that even though you are only 6 months old, you are still able to learn and feel the things that we do around and with you. We pray with you all the time, and sing to you all the time, and we read to you so much, but this time was different. It was a family time focused on all those things. I sang some of my favorite worship songs as a child, and your daddy played the drums. Then I read you your book on prayer, and daddy read you the blessing for Boys book followed by Genesis reading about how God created the earth. We sang, and sang and sang, and you were even trying to chime in! So cute! Your voice is like an angel. Looks like we have started a family tradition without even trying! God started a tradition for us, and we are so thankful to have such a personal God. He knows us, and knows what works for our family. I’m so thankful for our wonderful, amazing, full of grace, and merciful God. I can speak of His love forever. I love that we can open our hearts and let Him set us free. I’m so excited for you to learn so much more about the God we serve. You are seriously such a joy. I tear up just looking at you sometimes. I’m so glad. I’m so glad to call you my son. You have the sweetest most precious smile, and the most innocent heart. You are so tender hearted and loving Elijah. You have the ability to let us love on you as much as we do, and love us back with such affection. You already show signs of such strength and discernment. You are very cautious, but you will always try to reach a higher goal. Your ability to do something new every day inspires me. Your looks of wonder melt my heart. You look at something with an inquisitive mind trying to know what it could be. I love you.

WE SURRENDER...!!! hahaha

Dear Elijah,

Ok… OK!!! You win…… That’s how we felt last night. I’m sick with a cold, and your dad was just starting to feel sick last night, so he was hoping for a good night sleep. Little did we know, you had different plans. Lets rewind to the night before last for a minute shall we. The night before last you were in such pain from teething that you went into freak out mode. It’s like you were at a crossroads and you headed in full force to the hysterical zone. You were crying so hard, and not letting up. We were holding you, kissing you, rubbing your gums, giving you a cold teething ring, tried nursing you (totally uninterested), and walked the floors with you. This was the first time this has ever happened. This was happening when you would usually have been sleeping already. Now it was late, and you were overtired, which made you more irritable and upset. You would not go to sleep even though your eyelids were heavy, and your little body was exhausted. You were doing everything in your power to stay awake and it was so sad! I started crying for you since I knew you must have just been feeling miserable and the pain must have been terrible for you. I was crying, you were crying, and daddy finally broke down and grabbed the baby Tylenol. We try to avoid medicine as much as possible, especially since we do know that you can handle a good amount of discomfort. You never really need it after shots, and I don’t give it to you before your shots, and you recover just fine. You barely needed it when your first two teeth came in side by side on the bottom. Seriously, you must have been in a good amount of pain this night. We gave you the Tylenol, and although it took a while, you were able to calm down and finally go to sleep around 12:30 ish close to 1am! That night you woke up twice to eat, which is pretty good for you lately. You used to sleep through the night. You slept through the night for a long time, and all of a sudden about a month ago or so, you started waking up about 3 times a night to eat. You would go right back to sleep after eating though. Anyway, that was our night before last.

LAST NIGHT continued… You went to bed as you normally do around 10pm. Your daddy and I were talking in the living room, drinking hot tea, and snuggling. It was nice. Your dad says, we should go to bed now since we are both sick and need rest. We went to bed, and mommy of course could not sleep very good. So I do what I always do… I prayed. I was praying for the baby boy Ezequiel who we are going to be corresponding with from Nicaragua. I was finally drifting off to sleep, when I heard a cry on the baby monitor. You were waking up for your first snack. Haha… Your dad woke up from his SLEEP seeing as how it was about 2am, and I just sat up in bed waiting for him to bring you to me :) At this point I hadn’t gotten any real sleep. You came in all cute and hungry, and I fed you while playing with your little toes and running my fingers across for chubby cheeks as I normally do. Then when you were done, you usually fall into a deep sleep again, and daddy puts you back in your crib and comes back to bed. This did not happen last night. Daddy took you from my arms and walked you into your room. I usually hear nothing in the monitor, and your daddy climbs back into bed. This time I heard you start to cry when he put you down. He tried rubbing your head a little to help you drift back into sleep, but nothing was working. You were still crying. He came into our bedroom, and told me there was nothing he could do, and nothing seemed to work. I went into your room, and started rubbing your head, and talking in a quiet voice, and I wound up your little lamb that plays Jesus Loves Me. You were not wanting to be in that crib, and you would not go back to sleep. I have not idea even right now why you wouldn’t go back to sleep, when you usually have no problems. I held you for a while walking around your room, then decided… ”alright, I have to put him in his bed. He needs to learn that night time is sleep time.” So, I changed your clothes into something warmer, and put you in your crib. I tucked the sides of the blanket in so that you could not kick them off, and I made sure your room was a nice temperature. I kissed you on the head, told you I loved you, and grabbed daddy’s hand and headed to bed. We turned down the monitor so that we could still hear you, but not as loud. You cried… Then you stopped… Then you CRIIIIIIED! Then you stopped and I thought you had finally fallen asleep… Then you cried… A lot… Then you cried some more, and more and more… and we just could not take it anymore. On another night, we may have lasted longer and let you cry it  till you finally fell asleep, but we were both so tired last night being sick and all, that we caved! WE SURRENDER!!! You win!!! Daddy went and grabbed you out of your crib and put you in our bed. You smiled… and then fell asleep so fast. It’s like you knew! You knew you had gotten what you wanted, and I have to admit, it was pretty darn cute. You slept with mommy and daddy last night. And you didn’t wake up once after that. You slept and you even out slept both of us. Hahahahaha. Little stinker! Now we have to start from scratch. Yikes. Moment of weakness may have gotten us into trouble… I guess we shall see. But man, all three of us were sick and really needed the rest. Hopefully it’s really just what we all needed.  This is the first time you actually slept in bed with us! When you were sleeping in our room in your little sleeper before you moved into your own room, we used to put you in bed with us in the early morning right before your dad would get up and get ready for work. But last night was the first night EVER that you actually slept in our bed from night till morning. Crazy! Well, we love you little guy. We love you much ;)

Harvest Festivities...

Dear Elijah,

OH my goodness, what a weekend! We were a busy little family the past few days my love. Now that it’s all over, you and I are sick… I wish I had your energy though. You are bouncing around with your cough and runny nose, and I am wanting to crawl into bed and sleep for the nest 24 hours! My eyes feel like they are going to close without me even trying, and you are laughing and kicking me.  Oh to be young again. Hahahaha… Daddy got you a humidifier yesterday, and we put a space heater in your room. I also gave you a warm bath, and let you breath in steam from the hot water running after your bath. We also got you some baby saline nose drops. You should be just fine. The doctor says if you are eating good, still playful, and don’t have a fever, you will be just fine and have to let this stinky old cold run its course. I guess the same goes for mommy. I have to let this thing run until it dies. I hope I can get over it soon though!

This past Friday night you, your dad and I were planning on taking you to a really cool pumpkin patch with your cousin Nic, Uncle Oscar, Auntie Erica, and Uncle C.J. Turns out Nic was pretty sick that night especially, and since he was not feeling to good, we all decided not to go out that night to the pumpkin patch. We did however go to eat dinner together. It was nice hanging out with them first at their place, and then at the restaurant. Well, while we were there, you had an accident that leaked out of your diaper. Need I say more? Mommy and daddy had to change you in the car/parking lot of the place, and it was so hard to handle you since you had messy all over! There really is no good way to clean this mess, so your dad held you up as I carefully undressed you, and put a new diaper and new clothes on you. Seriously Elijah, it's harder than it sounds, and you have done this to me many times, but I don't think I've mastered one good way to clean you up. Hahahahaha. We always manage though. Oh, and ask your uncle Oscar for that footage someday. Yes... He sure did video tape that moment... hahahaha...

Saturday I spent the day preparing a thanksgiving dinner for your uncle C.J. and your cousin Nic so that they could spend a thanksgiving together. Your Uncle C.J. id going out to sea and is going to miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years! Pretty much everything! So I thought I could at least capture some sort of holiday for them to share before C.J. leaves. I invited a small group of family to our apartment, and it turned out great! You got to spend time with your god-parents too! You were so good letting mommy finish everything, and daddy was so great taking care of you for most of Saturday.

On Sunday you and I missed church in the morning while your daddy went off to play drums for both services. You and I were home resting up for the busy night we would have. We were both feeling a bit sick, and it was making us extra tired. I'm glad we got that time to rest together, and relax before heading to the church at 4pm to decorate and get everything prepared for the Harvest Festival. Mommy and her friend Stace, got the opportunity to plan the church's Harvest Festival, and we had so much fun doing it! We were blessed by how many people helped us, and really put in time and work to make it a success! Having said that, I probably won't be planning something that big for a while. It was sooooooooooooooooo fun, and something I really enjoy doing, but it's very hard to pull off with a young baby. You were so sweet about the whole thing, but I was getting worn out. I think my main focus is you right now, and I would love to volunteer to help someone else plan something in the near future, but since I have you, I'm not sure I can totally plan something like this till your a bit older ;) Heehee... When you are older though, just so you know, you will be my little helper! At the festival, you were feeling kind of sick, so although you made an appearance as a flying monkey, you spent most the night with your grandparents (Hollands). WHAT A HELP THEY WERE! We are so thankful for them and how they have been such a blessing to us in so many ways but especially in regards to you! I completely trust them in taking care of you, and it's so nice to have in-laws you can say that about. I mean, I grew up with my parents and so I automatically trust them, but now to have such wonderful in-laws as your grandparents is a really cool thing. I really hope that this Harvest Festival at Trinity will become a tradition. We had so much fun! Games, prizes, candy, cookie decorating, face painting, pop-corn maker and a jumper!  Talk about fun times!!! :)

Last night was Halloween. Your dad and I carved pumpkins, drank hot tea, sparkling apple cider, and took some funny pictures of you INSIDE a pumpkin! Hahahahaha. It was your auntie Erica's idea ;) We also dressed you as FievelFievel costume, SOOOOooooo, we put it on you anyway! I didn't want it to go to waste. We got pictures of you in the Fievel costume, by maybe next year you will use it as your main costume if you don't outgrow it. ;) After our quiet night at home, we went over to your grandma Diane and grandpa Jim's house and watched the Sing Off on T.V. All together it was a really fun weekend! Now we are sick, and feeling tired. Hahaha, but at least we went out with a bang! We will get better though. You slept well last night and I'm letting you take plenty of naps, and warm baths. Love you Little guy.