Saturday, December 4, 2010

indescribable...

Eli,
Sometimes there are those moments that are so clear, so real and make the life we live so worth living. These moments can produce deep thinking, tears, laughs, or a huge revelation. They always happen to me in the most interesting times. Elijah, when I first knew that I was going to marry your daddy I wasn't even in deep thought, or praying, or really doing much at all. I was driving down 6th Street in San Pedro, alone in my little red honda right before Broadway, and it hit me! I just knew he was going to be the man I spent the rest of my life with. I have NEVER had such a clear confirmation like that before. I remember not only knowing, but then getting butterflies in my tummy just thinking about him. Up until that point I had never been sure about marriage. It was such an awesome experience. Your daddy knew WAY before I did, haha, but I caught on eventually :) Here and there these moments catch me off guard... Last night I was lying in bed and all of the sudden I realized that I was going to be a MOM!!! haha... I know this realization probably sounds funny to you since I am 5 and a half months prego with you already, but it's true. I could not sleep because it became so real to me that I was going to be taking on a huge responsibility, and that our lives were about to change so much. Of course it is a very welcomed change my love, but it can be intimidating. My revelation was this, I am so in love with you already and only want to do right by you. I know that I am going to do so many things wrong though, and so I really needed to use that time to pray for grace in mine and your dad's parenting. Also, I had to acknowledge the fact that I am not alone in this. I have your daddy, I have Jesus, and I have terrific family and friends. I have confidence that your daddy and I are going to be the best that we know how to be, and also that we are seeking the right guidance. I'm excited to be a mommy! I can't wait to see my husband become a daddy! Sooooooooo, tonight your dad and I were spending some quality time together, which thankfully we get to have a lot of, and I had a moment of such truth. I almost cried, but I held it together and was able to appreciate what we have. This time (moment) that we shared tonight was so powerful it made me see and know that there is no one else in the entire world that I could ever share that crazy special moment with. I felt lucky, blessed, happy, thankful, blissful, and completely overwhelmed all at the same time! It was so indescribable. I'm trying to put it into words but I can't! haha, and you would never think that us being silly, laughing and being goofy together would ever produce such a revelation. But it's true Eli, sometimes there are those special people God is good enough to put in your life that you can never replace. God has blessed us with each other, and now with YOU! We get to share our love with you now, which makes things even sweeter. It's going to be hard at times, and we are going to be so tired at times, but I know that God will see us through, and continue to bless us with love, grace and moments of joy that we will remember forever! yay!!! Eli I can't wait to meet you!!!


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